For the first time in its two-and-a-bit years on this Earth, Warhammer 40,000: Darktide has a new class of Imperial bastard to bop ‘eretics with. The Adeptus Arbites are – in direct contrast to the frazzled convicts you normally play as – shiny-helmeted space cops, and the fact that they cost a tenner to unlock has done little to slow their near-complete takeover of the average mission lobby. Them and their dogs, the AI-controlled Cyber-Mastiffs that very slightly elevate the Arbites’ design above a naked Judge Dredd pastiche.
Well, I say “Them,” but my own Arbitrator is absolutely among the numbers. I’m the police, it’s me. And who could blame us, because siccing that invincible, unflappable, EMP-detonating K9 unit upon Nurgle’s finest is the most fun I’ve had in Darktide since learning to throw rocks.
The dog is a permanent companion, rather than a deployable ability or ultimate (though the Arby’s ult has its own black comedy charm, being a floating loudspeaker that buffs allies by shouting abusive slogans at them. And has a little speaker-face). This persistence, combined with Darktide’s lack of class limits, is currently turning anti-Chaos operations into poorly organised canine socialisation meetups, with four hungry robodogs off their leads and very eager to pin down/chew in half any man-sized baddies that catch their scent.
This feels incredibly powerful by itself. Anything small enough to get pinned, either by the dog’s own choosing or your ping-activated command, is more or less guaranteed a goner by the time they’re on the floor. The hounds are sufficiently food-motivated that they won’t stop gnawing until they’re either pointed elsewhere or have run out of bones to pick, and while the flailing victims are trapped, they’re highly vulnerable to shotgun blasts in their stupid traitor heads. You’re nicked, sunshine. I’m already speccing my Arbitrator’s build around the bonuses granted for pulling this specific combo move, such is the reliability of finding dog-downed foes in games right now.
Yet pumping shells into floored baddies isn’t half as entertaining as what happens when a really big plaguelad shows up. In a classic case of dogs not knowing their own size, they’ll fling themselves onto bosses and latch on teeth-first, utterly failing to bring them down but always trying again once they’re shaken off. Most responsible dog owners have also made the most of their pet’s invincibility by equipping them with remote-activated electrical bombs, so while they’re launching themselves at the raging meat titans, they’re also loudly and repeatedly exploding. I had several encounters last night where I was unable to actually fire my gun at the creature, being simultaneously too distracted by timing my dog bombs and too incapacitated by laughter as a quartet of flying canines flashbanged it to death.
Animals aside, it’s also a relief to see that Darktide’s Arbites aren’t given the same kind of cleaned-up, honour-and-brotherhood treatment as Space Marine 2’s Astartes. It’s not like they rock up in Thin Blue Line patches and start bundling Imperium citizens into unmarked vans, but they do keep closer to 40K-appropriate satire. For all the Arbitrators’ cool visors and good bois, they’re still presented here as brainwashed lunatics, usually with as much loser energy as their criminal counterparts. They demand respect yet receive none, threaten capital punishment for perceived slights by teammates, and react with baffled indignation whenever they’re knocked down themselves. If they were real-life police officers, they’d be the screaming ones on YouTube bodycam channels whose cars get stolen by the perp they’d just arrested.
Also, let’s be honest, they delegate an awful lot of their fighting to a puppy.